What I Wish I Had Known Before Falling In Love
Editor's Note:
I wish I could express the immense emotion I experienced the first time I saw these notes. It is rare that I get to witness such raw emotion conveyed so publicly by someone I hold so dear. I can safely say that for the first time, I was able to see the impact of her relationship from her perspective. Despite her earnest approach, I was able to see this genuine concern for others in her advice, it was almost a message to her former self. This self-healing is only positive, and I can say with absolute conviction that her healing is coming from helping. I can only hope that her words aid in you in some way no matter what stage of a relationship you are in.
Marina:
Over the past few days I’ve compiled this list to help myself heal. In it I’ve stated a lot of things I wish I would have known before falling in love for the first time. Some of the things I wrote might only apply to my situation, but I hope that some of the others help you. Everything in this list has come from the bottom of my heart, and most things were very hard for me to admit to myself let alone write down. I really hope these help you guys because I know I would have killed for a list like this before. Big fat hugs.
My love bullet points
1. Always make sure your partner knows you love them. Remind them as much as possible.
2. Communication is key. It sounds like a cliche but it’s so true. Make sure your partner knows you're there and that they can tell you anything make sure you tell your partner what is bothering you so you can work it out together.
3. Don’t totally cut out their personal life. Let them do their own thing and they’ll let you do yours. However, they should pick you in MOST circumstances if the outcome is to benefit both of you.
4. Relationships are not about revenge. He hurt me doing this I’ll hurt him doing that. No. Talk it out.
5. People have different ways of showing their emotions and some people don’t. Do not assume your partners feelings until you have figured out your partner. Even then your assumptions might be wrong so make sure you F*CKING TALK.
6. If it’s hard for you to open up to people, when you fall in love shit spills out of your mouth. Don’t be scared because of because the outcome is often good. Letting someone know, especially someone you care about, will help you. Do not be disappointed if they don’t reciprocate.
7. Falling in love happens gradually, you won’t notice it at first, then you’ll be scared to admit it, and when you finally do it’s like you're falling several cliffs, one after the other. Be prepared to cry for no reason and to get stressed over loving someone so much.
8. Don’t expect everything to go perfectly. If you do, when things go wrong it will hurt more. If you spend so much time making sure everything goes just as planned then when it goes the wrong way, you will blame yourself. Don't
9. Love is supposed to be fun and exciting and you should celebrate it. If you loving someone has turned into a very dark place for you then it’s not meant to be. As hard as it is to let go, you know deep inside it’s the right thing to do.
10. Good news, break ups aren’t that bad. Bad news, the part after the break up is worse. When you need to remember how you lived before you had them by your side all the time or remember how it is to wake up and not say good morning to your lover, that’s when you sink down low.
11. In case of a break up, it’s normal for you to not want to do anything, and cry all day and by all means go ahead. Let it all out for a while but then you must surround yourself with all the positivity you can. It won't be easy. It’s important that you distance yourself from the beginning even if you ended on good terms and still want to be friends.
12. Don’t be afraid to say things in person. Even though texting and calling is much less intimidating you can’t have serious conversations through a device or it won’t get through. Make sure you have time in person to settle a discussion.
13. Promises mean nothing. If their actions don’t carry out with what they promised, you must bring it to their attention.
14. DO NOT center your life around getting them back. The only thing that lets people grow or heal is time and distance, if you are constantly thinking of or engaging with them, neither of you will have the time or distance from each otherto think clearly. Even though it sucks and it kills, it’s the best thing to do.
15. You should never feel uncomfortable around them or insecure. Your partner needs to bring out the best in you and you should be the most comfortable you’ve ever been with them once you are in love. No insecurity should matter at this point if you both love each other.
16. Create a strong bond and impact on their family that way if they ever screw up they will be constantly reminded by their family of what a big fuck up they are and how they let the nicest person slip.
17. When you break up, people will tell you to forget them. Yeah right! Everyone who’s been in love knows that you won’t ever forget them and you don’t have to. The goal isn’t to forget the person you loved, it’s to slowly start forgetting how to love them.
18. Regardless if you end on good terms or bad terms, break ups are HARD so buckle up.
19. When in love, you’ll feel yourself getting stupid. But you’ll also unconsciously learn an abundance of things from your partner.
20. You cannot be scared to tell your partner what bothers you. Before bringing it up, think it through, make sure you are not overthinking, but if it’s something that continually hurts you, you must let them know without hesitation. Remember rule number two. Communication is key.
The intention of this article is not to undermine a relationship or Marina's former partner. The sole purpose of this article is to aid anyone going through any stage of a relationship.